Side note from Amanda: did anyone else totally fall head over heals with the book Love in the Time of Cholera? I was totally obsessed in college.
“They had just celebrated their golden wedding anniversary and they were not capable of living for even an instant without the other, or without thinking about the other, and that capacity diminished as their age increased.”
I mean, how romantic is that?! Ok, I’m done. Back to wedding planning…
In our last post Isabelle talked about what it felt like to try to plan a wedding right now with the COVID pandemic going on, which is basically like trying to build an ice cream sundae in a bouncy house with a bunch of toddlers who may or may not be ready to leave for a nap. It can be a bit crazy-making and we wanted to share how we’re approaching the situation in case it can help anyone out there facing the same challenges. Isabelle and her fiance still want to get married this year so we’re navigating that, right now it looks a bit like our “choose your own adventure” drink station map with lots of back-ups to the back-up plans, but we can do this!
TL;DR
We’re planning for something small this year (2020 ceremony) and hope that all the big fun things can happen next year (2021 reception)! This could be the beginning of a whole new wedding trend.
Also, we really hope wedding vendors are doing what they can to support couples and be flexible, which we know isn’t easy when they also need to take care of employees and their own bills. But if a vendor isn’t already making exceptions to their policies (when final payments are due, fees for rescheduling, etc.) don’t be afraid to ask and advocate for yourselves too. It isn’t outrageous to assume that the average-size wedding will not be able to take place in 2020, so we recommend that you start preparing for that reality (breathe) and see if your team can get on board with this sooner rather than later to make the best of your wedding this year.
Let’s start with some important logistics
We’re listing some specific advice for Seattle and Washington residents, check the rules where you live!
Start the process of getting your marriage license early. Since really, this, an officiant, and a witness are the only things you *actually need* to get married!
King County is not offering in person or online services, so you must mail in your request for a marriage license.
Before you mail in the application, you need to get it notarized. We checked and found the Broadway UPS Store offers notary services (including marriage licenses) between 2-4pm.
Remember there is a 3 day waiting period from the time the license is issued (haha… by the time you get it back in the mail this will be over) and it expires 60 days after the 3 day waiting period. So if you factor in mail time, you could probably start the application process as early as a few days before the 2 month mark.
How and who to gather
This is probably the least predictable part right now with plans A, B, C, D… this feels a bit like a Twilight Zone episode where we are going to envision a series of realities that may or may not all exist in various universes:
In one scenario here in Washington, based on the governor’s recent outline, gatherings of 50 people would be ok by mid to late summer (we feel like this is the most optimistic scenario for us currently). In this case, you could consider asking your venue if they would allow you to do a ceremony with limited staff. This is something we are considering, but don’t know yet if it is a viable option.
If it doesn’t work to be at the venue with that small gathering or if local guidelines recommend even fewer people, the plan for us is to do something in our parents’ backyard.
We hope that at least parents/siblings can attend and we truly want our bridal party and those people who are technically-friends-but-basically-family to be there, but again, this is something we can’t fully count on yet. We do need an officiant at least! So our worst case scenario is a physically-distanced, mask-wearing, hand sanitizer-filled, need-based attendance.
So that people can be there in spirit and be witness to the ceremony while physically distancing, we are also discussing the option of some kind of live stream. (Once again, not something Isabelle would have ever considered without a global pandemic, but these are unique times indeed…)
All scenarios include Amanda.
Overall, one of our biggest concerns is for friends and family who would have to travel and especially for those who are more vulnerable to infection. Whatever the official rules are, that is a main reason we are postponing the larger celebration.
Communication
The wedding invitations were under Amanda’s jurisdiction and we’ve talked about a few ways of doing it. Here’s our plan: create the pretty invitations how we had planned and send them to everyone they want to invite. But we’re also going to include an insert that explains how much Isabelle and Galen wanted to be with everyone this year and ask guests to please go to their wedding website to RSVP if they would like to get updates about how to stream the 2020 ceremony and attend the 2021 reception. Now, if you want to skip all this and go straight for the email invite, go ahead! We’re just doing our part to support USPS… ok fine, we like pretty paper things.
What to wear
For the guys it’s a bit more straight-forward (a lot of this can be done online anyway, but definitely think about ordering earlier since processing and mail are a bit slower) so we’ll focus on the dress here. Depending on where you are in the browsing/purchasing/fitting steps of getting your wedding dress, this could be tricky.
Isabelle got a dress from Blue Sky Bridal, but hasn’t done the alterations yet. She is planning to work with a local seamstress who would come to her - this isn’t totally out of the question yet if some restrictions are lifted by June so there is enough time for her to do the work (e.g. if they say it’s ok to meet up with friends or gather in small groups).
If it doesn’t seem like that will be possible, we’ll save that dress for the 2021 reception and purchase some lovely ready-to-wear options for her to choose from.
Beauty routine
Ok this is possibly the hardest part for Amanda to come to terms with - she was so excited for Isabelle to get pampered and all done up! (ok plus she is addicted to lash lifts herself) But again, we’ll keep chanting the mantra of “2021 reception” and get through this too. Like with everything else, there’s a chance by this summer hair and make-up people will be able to come to us, but if not we’ll be prepared to DIY everything. We’re not total strangers to hair and make-up, but even if you are, we are so lucky to have Instagram and YouTube beauty gurus to help us out! A couple we like are Kayley Melissa and Kate Bryan.
Capturing the moment
Photography is one of the things we (and many others) want to yell from the rooftops: don’t skimp on your photography budget! And yet somehow here we are in “DIY-everything land” (the very lame idea that was immediately shot-down during early Disneyland meetings).
Man this is one vendor we really hope is able to come.
(Isabelle here: we are working with an amazing photographer who has been great discussing the possible options to follow local guidelines and still get photos for the ceremony this year and the reception next, more on her in another post!)
But like good planners, we aren’t going to bury our heads in the sand and pretend it’s not a possibility that Amanda will be performing this duty (Amanda is getting a lot of jobs here…). Isabelle actually owns a nice Canon camera and honestly it’s not a bad investment if that’s something you are interested in (or heck, get that iPhone upgrade you’ve been putting off and go crazy in portrait mode!). Maybe even reach out to your photographer (who will definitely be there for the 2021 reception) and see if they are willing to give you some tips or help with editing photos you take this year as part of their package.
Making it feel like a celebration
This is the fun part! There are actually several components that don’t rely on your vendors being there in person - think decorations, flowers and food.
Many nice restaurants have started offering takeaway/delivery that don’t normally otherwise and getting dinner from one of those places might make it feel a bit more fun.
And don’t forget dessert! Another easily socially-distanced item that really does add to the wedding vibe is your cake/pie/cupcakes.
Talk with your florist about what things you want for the 2020 ceremony, maybe getting bouquet(s) and boutonniere(s) this year and everything else next year (discuss options of adding minor costs or maybe not at all if you forgo any duplication).
Since everything is scaled down and you’ll probably be using a personal space, there’s much less to decorate ;) But you can maybe splurge a little here or there, do a garden update you’ve been meaning to get to or that small home project. Focus on a few spots where you’ll want pictures, like the backdrop for your vows.
As a reminder, if you can, start your online shopping early since things are a bit slower these days.
Final thoughts (whew this was a long post!)
Even planning on next year feels daunting right now, it could be a while before a vaccine is ready and maybe it will have to be a 2023 reception, but we’re trying to focus on what we can do and what’s most important: family, friends and doing what we can to love our community.
PS we’ll have more posts on bridal shower, bachelor(ette) parties and honeymoon plans!
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